When you tip your head to the side does it sound like rain stick?

Autumn sounds like screeching gulls and smells of woodsmoke.

So the Bishop of Lewes has suggested that the ol' credit crunch is 'God's punishment' for our materialistic over-indulgences. OK, fine by me; who am I to argue against a higher power?

But I do have a couple of questions.

Firstly, if we're all being punished, why are there still going to be so many big banking bonuses again this year? I mean, surely that's a reward for being very good at excessive materialistic consumption, not punishment.

Second, considering the wonderful litany of murder, war, destruction, oppression, murder, slavery, exploitation, our general concession to all this, not to mention the ongoing devastation of this lovely rock God has designed for us, and more; how come it was a bunch of over-suited bipeds that pushed Him / Her over the edge into action?

It's been a good week for the clergy in the news. After all, what better word(s) could precede the headline "...hospitalised with potato up his bum" than 'Vicar'. Other than 'Russell Brand'. And talking of Amy Winehouse's evil twin, have you wondered how differently things would have worked out if they'd only called Jeremy Clarkson instead?

I wonder if anyone checked to see if this fella wasn't some kind of Trojan Horse, full of tiny Lego figures waiting to spill out and take over the country.

I hope so.

Anyway, a belated Happy Halloween to y'all