I Have Complete Control Over Sandwich Monkey

How many times do we wish we could get a second chance at something; to do it over again? Well, I've just been given one of those second chances.

Last week I had a call from my old boss at BMC to tell me that the girl who replaced me had had to leave suddenly (we're all thinking disciplinary) and was I available to come in for four days a week (on pretty much the same rates as I was before...)

I did of course, say yes. Since I was.

I'd had a voicemail from Tom previous to that call and had wondered whether something along these lines was going to be the case. So plenty of time to consider whether or not this was going to be some kind of suicidal mission, being that one of the reasons I left was that I hadn't been too happy with things first time around.

But attitudes can change in the face of abject poverty, as do priorities. I'm not looking to be out drinking and gigging five nights a week. Or even one or two. A couple of hits a month will do me just fine for now. I need enough money to pay the bills, live frugally, pay off some debts and work on the boat. Anything else will be a pleasant surprise on top. In other words right now I need a job, not a career.

I need something that will last me from the moment I walk into the office to the moment I leave and not distract me any further. In return they get all of me for those hours I'm being paid for, no more. No less. I'm expecting nothing more than to do what I do, and to do it to the best of my abilities. Plus no one else is going to pay me quite as well for a four day week.

So I'm off line for those hours, I'm not randomly browsing web sites or thinking of better places to be. I'm just concentrating on doing what they pay to me do, and doing it well. This time around there's going to be some more considered organisation and as many arguments as there need to be to get this fucking project off the ground and running. Only then do I think I'll be ready to leave it behind. Although they've done spectacularly well without me. It's like reincarnation. I made mistakes in how I approached things last time and now I can correct them. Or else I'm not moving on to the next step.

It's a bit scary when you look at it like that.

It's been good to see the guys again, there's a great atmosphere in the team right now and I'm off to Norway for 24 hours on Tuesday! No one felt like giving me a few days to settle in. Which may have been the point of them asking to begin with.

Ah well, 8 days to wait before my first pay cheque rolls in. I'm about as close to financially flat lining as I've ever been and yet somehow I've just managed to keep my head above water at every step of the way.

I'm still glad I left. If I hadn't I don't think I would have started running or started working on Chuffy. Or a ton of other things, not all of which might have been considered a useful use of the time I've had. All fun though.

I now have a week's worth of emails to catch up on. Funny how that first week back just knocks the crap out of you.


Tunes: Neil Young and Crazy Horse: Year Of The Horse