Happy Hampers

It's been a weird old day. This morning I sat in a room listening to two people talk about being physically and sexually abused as children, wondering what fucked up gene it is that makes us act more like people and less like human beings and why someone can't give someone else a grant to find it and stamp it out. Then hours later I was creased up with uncontrollable laughter, eyes streaming, gut aching, rocking back and forth consumed by that self feeding, almost primal, loss of control. It's such a wonderfully contradictory feeling to be so helpless and yet feeling so good at the same time; the ultimate expression being 'I laughed so hard I pissed myself', something I've come close to but never yet reached that damp patch plateau of hysteria. I talked to someone down here once who said they'd never laughed like that. How can a world where someone can say that they've never laughed till it hurt call itself in any way a decent place to live? To me that's just seriously fucked up. I won't bother you with the story of why I ended up like that, it's all complete lack of social graces, period pain, the search for ibruprofen, some to die for expressions and a bagful of horse-tranquilizer strength pain-killers. Wouldn't come across well at all.

This has been one of those weeks where I've felt like I'm in a Simms game being played by some particularly mischievous Greek Gods. Here I am trying to live this peaceful life by the river and nothing is really going quite to plan. It's like having a micro-managed head-fuck. At the end of it all I was expecting to wake up this morning feeling, if I may purloin the phrase please 'a little basket case'. And all day I'm walking around like the Dalai Lama. Right there in the eye of the storm I found the calm I'd been looking to get back all summer. I've just been pondering what to say next, so you could put a long pause in there if you wanted for extra realism, and I think that what it boils down to is that for a whole ton of reasons, some of which may seem to the more rational of you, completely insane, I'm just feeling totally at peace with myself. Just wanted to share that with you really.

And the plan sucked.

Tunes: Eels: Blinking Lights And Other Revelations